- Sadly, only 14% of television shows portray responsible sexual behaviors, meaning the sexual content includes references to the risks of sexually transmitted infections or the risk of pregnancy. Even the shows with a real-life message, however, tend to zoom in on those hot, heated, spontaneous sexual moments in the show that are not real-life but romanticized fantasy. No wonder our teens are mixed up about relationships. According to Dr. Victor Strasburger who has written numerous books and articles about adolescents and the media, the US media, compared with worldwide media, offers the most sexually suggestive and explicit viewing. Gee, what an accomplishment.
- A lot of research has been dedicated to exploring the associations between media violence and adolescent aggression. The link is strong. Viewing violence in video
- games, film and TV desensitizes youth to violent acts and increases violent behaviors. It, therefore, seems likely that exposure to sexual content would affect teen sexual behaviors as well. Although there has not been as much research completed on this topic, the studies published to date confirm what we parents have thought all along: media exposure among adolescents, even at average rates (btw...that would be SEVEN hours a day), is linked to earlier sexual activity and risky sexual behaviors. A recent study published in the journal Pediatrics by Drs. Chandra, Martino, and Collins also revealed that early exposure to sexual content in the media actually doubles the risk of teen pregnancy.
- Since they aren’t getting sex ed in school, most teens are using the media as their text books on sex, love and relationships. Parents and mentors of adolescents need to help kids they care about understand a healthier view of sexuality than what they are seeing on a daily basis. So while the media is filling your kid’s minds with messed-up ideas, here are a few tips for trying to keep them in the real world when it comes to sex and sexuality:
- 1. Have open, honest conversations with your children about sexuality – and let
- these conversations happen during normal family time – not just in an awkward
- moment like when you catch them on the sofa just wrestling or happen to read a text that obviously wasn’t meant for you! Practice if you need to; use a friend or the mirror to work out those awkward words or phrases. It may take awhile
- before the words come easily.
- 2. Use the media to your advantage to start some of these conversations. Just
- watch a few of their favorite shows with them or print out the lyrics that they are singing in the back seat. No more channel changing to avoid “awkward” lyrics or messages.
- 3. Make sure they know that sex is a normal and healthy part of life. It’s not dirty, gross or scandalous in the right kind of relationship. And it’s not a sport, an initiation, a contest, or something to force.
- 4. Help them to understand what a healthy relationship looks like. Let them know that sex comes after feelings of affection, mutual love, and respect for each other. That means “emotional intimacy” before “physical intimacy.”
- 5. Help your teens set boundaries that they can abide by. Just because they are showing affection by kissing and maybe even “heavy petting”, does not mean it has to end in sexual intercourse. And help them find activities to show the other person they care about them without any sexual activity being involved. We have a great list in our Hang-Ups, Hook-Ups and Holding Out book for teens.
- 6. Make sure they understand that the consequences of sex include pregnancy,
- sexual transmitted diseases, and emotional stress.
- 7. Help them understand that contraception is a normal part of any sexual
- relationship. Research shows that providing education about and access to
- condoms does not increase sexual activity or encourage teens to have sex. It
- does, however, increase the use of condoms among those that are sexually active.
- 8. If they are sexually involved, teach them responsibility and make sure they
- understand contraception and where and how to get it. You may not be happy
- your child is having sex, but a teen pregnancy is not what you’d want either.
- 9. Make sure your teens understand that violence is not a normal part of sex or
- love. Music lyrics are a great conversation starter for this topic. Again, the
- media, including the increased availability of pornography, are largely responsible for desensitizing our youth to violence.
- 10. Help your teen find her/his voice in times of difficulty and respect the voice of others. This can be particularly difficult in teen relationships. Practicing “lines”
- can actually help. ”No” should be heard and respected at all times.
- Our children need to understand that what they may be seeing or hearing in the media is not real life. Sit down with your teen and watch that show that you said you would never watch. Listen to their music and print out the lyrics. Hang out on youtube for an evening. You will find plenty to talk about and you may actually learn something yourself…
