Did you know research shows that teens want more information about sexuality from adults, especially their parents? On the other hand, starting conversations about difficult topics like pregnancy prevention, STDs, abortion and masturbation (just to name a few hot-button issues) is one tough sell. While everyone wants the information, the comfort level for these conversations is about as popular as mom showing up to a Friday night frat party.
In all honesty, it’s likely that the fault lies with us, the parents, for not pursuing the uncomfortable chat. We avoid it, thinking, she just doesn’t want to listen to me anymore. The vibe from your teen may be that she thinks you’re judging her, (are you?) or maybe she thinks she already “knows everything.” All of these thoughts are an easy out, avoiding the uncomfortable chat entirely. But as parents it’s our job, and our job alone, to bridge the gap between important issues and uncomfortable conversation.
And if you think your child’s school already did the job, think again. In most high schools sexuality education is little more than limited lessons in anatomy and biology. The more important topics, like healthy relationships, negotiating sexual decisions, and understanding how to enjoy sexuality while minimizing the risks are not typically up for discussion.
So, once we send our children off to college, do we suddenly expect them to “get it”? Although college students are more open to discussing sexuality, most colleges lack programming to address the sex education needs of young adults. It would just seem logical to include the topic in an orientation for new students, most of whom are living on their own for the first time, and eager for companionship. The sad truth is that 97% of colleges and universities hold freshman orientation programs, but less than 35% of those provide any information on sexual or reproductive health.
Based on our observations of college students we’ve seen in the office or student health clinic, there’s so much they still need to learn. They prove it daily by making statements like the following (which we hear WAY too often!)
“There’s is no way I have an STI, I don't have any itch or discharge.” (Truth: many STIs have no symptoms)
“This can’t be Chlamydia. I only had sex once without a condom.” (Truth: once is enough)
“There’s no way I can be pregnant; I’m on birth control” (Truth: birth control is great, but not perfect; and the average college student on birth control pills misses 3 pills per month)
We see a continuous flow of college age students who put themselves at risk by engaging in sexual behaviors that are dangerous to their health and their future. As parents, we send our kids off to college with a flu shot, and hopefully, the HPV vaccine. We tell them how to cover a cough or sneeze in public settings, what to do if they run a fever or suffer an asthma attack. Why don't we arm them with information that protects their sexual health?
Is it because the conversation is too uncomfortable?
Well, it’s time to get over that. For example, do they know that the most common sexually transmitted infections have no symptoms? Or that a guy who says he’s “been tested” and is “clean” may or may not have been tested for a couple of STIs, but testing for things like Herpes and HPV aren’t done unless there is a sore or a lesion to test. Have they considered the fact that Chlamydia (one of the STIs with no symptoms) can cause problems in the future when trying to get pregnant? Is it common knowledge that HIV can be present but silent for years, or that HPV, a sexually transmitted virus, causes cervical cancer? Have you told them that alcohol and sex don't mix; hook-ups DO cause emotional pain; and that violence is never ok in a relationship?
We know. That’s a lot to process for any parent. But imagine if you’re nineteen and you’re uninformed. There’s nothing blissful in that kind of ignorance. So we’ll ask again: Which thought is more uncomfortable, the conversation or the consequence of not making the information available? If you’re the parent of that ready to retire teen, someone going off to college or their first apartment, find the courage to talk about the tough stuff. Don't let discomfort keep you from having a conversation that matters.
